What It's Really Like to be an Athlete

I'm only 24 but I've been involved in sport, specifically speed skating, for almost 20 years now.  In high school it was something that I did after school and on weekends, I wasn't able to do school sports in the winter because there was no time, in the summer it was something that I would train for in the mornings or evenings with days and time off to have a social life and a job.  

When I moved to Calgary, speed skating became my full time job.  As an amateur athlete in a fringe sport there was no way I could afford that level of training by myself, the training fees alone are over $4,000 not including boots, blades, protective equipment, and flights and accommodations for competitions.  In order to get the smallest improvement I've been training twice a day, every day, 6 days a week.  Some people are able to do skating and school at the same time but if my marks were good my skating would suffer.  I've lost jobs because I would have to be gone for weeks at a time to attend training camps, and competitions that I would have to fund myself.  I haven't been home to see my family or friends for more than two weeks at a time for almost 5 years, I miss out on some social things because I know that if I don't get the right amount of sleep I can't perform as well at practice or in competitions not to mention that on paper I look like I've just been slacking off because I have no degree or diploma, no stable job, and don't even have a ton of speed skating results.  

Don't get me wrong, I love skating and there's nothing quite like to feeling after the execution of a perfect race, or even just one perfect pass or block but I've come to realize that you can pour everything you have into something and try your hardest and still not achieve what you've been working towards.  Elite sport is exhausting not only physically but also mentally and emotionally; it can be absolutely draining in every sense of the word.  Sport can be greatly rewarding but I can also attribute the few times in life that I've been completely shattered, heartbroken, and beaten down to sport.  There are so many people in different sports in the same position as me who never get any recognition, who try their very hardest but just don't make it, and there are even more people who will never understand the sacrifices and hard work that go into being a high level athlete.

2015-2016 Season in Review

When I think back on this past season it's kind of hard to quantify since it was so different than previous years and I didn't compete in the same competitions that I normally do so I have very little to compare it to.

Andy Young SunPulse 

The first kind of 'bigger' competition I skated this season was the Inter-Continental at the Oval in Calgary.  Calgary invited a bunch of international skaters to compete and a select number of the Oval Program skaters got to compete against them.  For me this competition went spectacularly terrible.  It was a complete train wreck.  Because of where we were in the training period I felt exhausted and I was so tired that I felt physically unable to do my normal passes and strategies because I simply didn't have the energy in my legs.  I became very frustrated and very upset because I felt that I was skating so bad and I was embarrassed that people would think that was how I skated and I didn't feel like myself.  I think I only had one race that I could feel even a little bit good about that I managed to pull off through sheer will and anger but that was kind of taken away from me when I heard that someone I trusted and had depended on in the past for support and advice in skating had said something pretty hurtful during and after that race.  After that competition I was so hurt and upset and in such a bad place that I just wanted to be done.  I just didn't want to feel the way I was feeling anymore and I think that if I hadn't already booked plane tickets for later in the season I might have just packed up and gone home.

Instead of skating the Canadian circuit this season I went and trained with Great Britain's national team for three weeks, something I was able to do since I have British citizenship through my dad.  While I was there we travelled to Sweden to compete in a Star Class competition.  By that point I was feeling a lot better about my skating although it took me a long time to feel confident racing again but it was nice to compete against a field that was almost all people I didn't know and who didn't know me.  It felt like there was no pressure and no expectations of me so I was more free to try things and not be so stressed out.  In some races I feel like I could've finished higher or done better but I came out of the competition with a third place trophy and I didn't cry once so I'm putting that one in the win column.

It's the end of this season that feels the most weird for me because I really didn't have a big end of year competition like I have had in the past.  I skated Winterfest, the final competition at the oval where I had some decent results and some good races and then I was done.  I think I had some good experiences this season and some good races but it is a little difficult to tell since I don't have any results to compare to previous seasons.  This season I really wanted to get a new 500 time and unfortunately that didn't happen but I'm happy with the skating I did nonetheless because I feel that although I didn't get any faster times I got a lot better and more confident in my racing.

Why Losing is Hard

When you watch the Olympics on TV and you see an athlete win that elusive gold medal the commentators always say how hard it is, how hard that athlete had to work, what hardships they had to overcome to stand on top of that podium.  When you join an elite sport and go to training camps you hear that talk from coaches, the one where they tell you how hard it is to be the best and that it's not easy, that the best become the best in the world because they put in the work.  What they don't tell you is how hard it is to lose.  What you can't see while the cameras are focused on the winner is the numerous other athletes behind them who on a different day, under different circumstances could have been on the podium or the athlete sitting at home who didn't even make the Olympic team because of one mistake during the Olympic trials.  There are so many athletes who do the same training and work just as hard as the medalists but at the end of the day they don't win, they lose.

I've been training in Calgary for about four years.  After a year and a half I started doing well enough that I got moved from group 2 into group 1; the same group that the National Team athletes train in.  I also went from being one of the fastest in my group to the slowest.  It was a lot easier to be one of the fastest than the slowest both mentally and physically.  Obviously I want to be in the top group and I need to be in that group to improve to where I want to be but some days it's hard to always be at the back of the pack especially when I can see exactly where I want to be.  I've recently realized there are more athletes who don't achieve their ultimate goal than there are who do even if they work their absolute hardest.

Training Camp 2015

A few weeks ago the entire short track oval program road-tripped down to Penticton BC for an off ice (mostly on bike) training camp.  Training camps are usually very difficult but also fun and a good chance for team bonding (or at least growing closer through shared pain).  I was not terribly excited for this camp simply because I am not the biggest fan of cycling (more on that here) but I was doing my best to be optimistic.

One of our first training sessions was a weights session at Beach City Crossfit; a gym that opened right onto the beach to an incredible view.

just dramatically lifting weights at the beach 

We did a lot running, imitations and most of all cycling for ten days and two training sessions a day.  Some of the bikes were good, some weren't but for the most part the experience was a positive one, I got to spend some good time with old and newer teammates, have a bit of fun, and work hard.  There's something very fulfilling and rewarding about finishing a hard training block or camp especially when it feels like it's going to be impossible to complete somewhere in the middle.

a bike that went so well I took a picture, unheard of!

fire by the beach to celebrate completing the camp with the team

Canadian Open Selections 2015

As I mentioned in my previous post I recently had my final competition of the season.  Now if I'm being completely honest this season has not been my best; I didn't get the results I wanted at National Qualifier and I didn't make Canadian Open like I have the past two years, but guys, it went so much better than I expected.  Now I'm not saying I was pessimistic or had a negative attitude going into the competition but I did go into it with no expectations because I had basically no results I had nothing to lose.

The first day was preliminaries and I had a couple good races and made it through to the 1500 semi finals.  I got a little bit lucky in the 1500 when a bunch of people fell and I ended up in the A final with a 6th place finish. I also followed that up with some good results in both the 500 and 1000 to place myself in the top 16 and into the 3000m final for the first time (only the top 16 ever get to skate the 3K). 

That weekend I finally got back the feeling that I've been chasing all season and was reminded why I liked skating because honestly in the middle of the season I was reconsidering my whole skating career (although after skating a few long track races for fun the week after I have decided it might be time for me to retire from long track).

I finished with a 12th place overall which is my best Canadian Selection result to date and now it's time for the much anticipated and oh so short off season before we start up training again in April.  I'm a couple weeks into the off season now and to be honest I'm kind of bored?  I'm sure I will be wistfully looking back on these lazy days once summer training starts up but for right now I'm almost looking forward to training and skating again.

All photos property of Bill Christ

That Time of the Year Again

It's that time of the year again; we're getting to the end of the season, a lot of the really hard training is done and the only thing left to do is race the final competition.  It's been a bit of an up and down season for me, a lot of it down, and in the middle of the season I struggled a little bit with motivation but (fingers crossed) I'm back on an upward swing.

Practice has been going better and I'm getting more confident again.  We did some practice races this weekend and although I wasn't 100% rested I'm feeling cautiously optimistic about the big competition in two weeks (and also really looking forward to the short break at the end of the season but gotta race first, think about that later).

For the next few weeks I will be trying not to worry how things go (harder than it sounds for me) and try to be confident that I've done all the hard work and that no matter what happens it's not the end of the world.

Why (I Think) Sports Are Important

I've been involved in sports since I was little.  I started speed skating somewhere around the age of 4, did recreational gymnastics (I was not very good or flexible), I played soccer (both rec and competitive) and I did soccer and cross-country running all through elementary school and high school.  While there are the obvious physical benefits to being involved in sports and in doing physical activity I've come to realize recently how beneficial it has been for me socially.

the last soccer team

I was a shy and somewhat anxious child, I've always been kind of a professional worrier, and even now I'm easily intimidated by other people.  Being involved in a sport or a member of a team where I was around the same group of people a few days a week forced me into social situations and because we were doing an activity there was always a common topic to talk about.

When I went to a different high school than all my friends joining the cross-country team put me a little more at ease and made me feel like I was involved in the school and not just floating invisibly through the hallways.  Although none of my best friends from high school ended up being in cross-country, meeting a lot of different people through the years of skating and playing soccer made me a little more comfortable to talk to people I didn't know because I'd been exposed to situations like that over and over.

Senior girls cross-country team 

More recently when I moved to Calgary for skating it was less terrifying than it could have been because I knew I was going to be around other skaters every day, even though I didn't know most of them, but I could calm myself down with the knowledge that I would be around people who were in the same situation as me so I was bound to get along with someone.  Travelling for skating and moving has even made me more confident going forward because I know that if I were to move somewhere else I would probably be able to find some other people to get along with (the idea of being isolated, friendless, and alone could have been enough to stop me from doing things/going places before).

Skating training camp, look at how many friends!

Based on the way that I react to some social situations still today I wonder if I hadn't always done sports and been on teams whether I would have ever been able to even leave home (also if I would even have any friends because I'm pretty sure I made a lot of my friends because I was good at gym class).

Injured and Frustrated

I've never considered myself to be one of those athletes that is constantly struggling with injuries, sure I've broken a leg here and there but breaks heal and then usually don't bother you once it's all healed up.  Since it doesn't happen to me super often I'm really bad at being injured.  Basically if I'm not put in a cast I think I should be fine and then I get really frustrated when I can't do things.

Before New Years I fell in practice and I've done something to my back.  At first it hurt to do anything (seriously anything if I even breathed too deeply I would be in pain) but now it feels almost normal when I'm just sitting around but as soon as I skate the pain comes back.  It's been really frustrating because even when a program is going well for me I might have to cut some of it out simply because my back will start hurting too much and I tend to play down injuries (I once told a coach I was fine and walked on a broken leg) so I keep skating until I can't anymore (not healthy I know).  

This has so far been a really frustrating and disappointing season and adding injury on top of all that is definitely not helping on the motivation side of things and I have to keep reminding myself that I'm not getting worse and I'm not a bad skater I'm injured and I need to let myself heal.

source: Pinterest

Just a mini update for this week because I wanted to put something up but didn't have the time to organize anything else.  My plan is to post something at the beginning/end of every week just to keep writing, keep my brain working and writing it out allows me to take a step back and look at skating/my life from the outside and re-evaluate things.  Hope you're having a great day, see you in a week or so!

National Qualifier 2014

The first competition that actually counted for something this season happened at the beginning of December.  I know that it’s the end of December now but after I got back from racing my life has been a whirlwind of training exams and practice races; this is the first chance I’ve had to breathe and it’s because I’m currently sitting in an airport waiting for my flight home for Christmas.

Pictures courtesy of my aunt who came to watch some races

If you’ve read my previous National Qualifier post you’ll know that it’s important for me to do well at that competition so that I can qualify for National Team Trials and the Canadian Open completion.  I’ve skated Canadian Open the past two years and have previously managed to qualify for it without too much trouble.  This year however, everything did not go as planned.  Qualifier wasn’t a terrible competition; I had some good races, and some not so good races, and a little bad luck like with any meet but unfortunately this time the best that I could do wasn’t good enough to qualify me for the next competition.  Obviously I’m disappointed because I want to keep working my way up the ranking lists instead of down them but I’m using this small setback to re-evaluate some things and to consider my options moving forward.

big outside pass

On a happier note I’m going to be taking a bit more time for myself over the next few weeks so hopefully I can try to get back into a routine of writing a blog post once a week!  Mostly I’m just excited to get a bit of a break from skating and school and spend some time with my famjam over Christmas (even if it’s only for a week).

Better Days

Hello friends, do not fear I am alive and have not completely spiraled downwards to the point where I can't get out of bed (although I was heading there for a bit).  My last post was kind of bleak but here's the thing: I am a complainer.  I love to complain.  If there were prizes for complaining and procrastinating I would at least be in the running if not walking away with a trophy.  I complain about little things; some of my favourites are "I'm tired," "my hip hurts," "I'm cold," "I don't want to leave the couch," "my back hurts," "I'm tired."  But I don't complain about bigger things so instead I wrote a supes dramatic blog post about it.

After I had a complete meltdown at practice last week my coach pointed out that I tend to focus on what's going badly at practice instead of what I'm doing well so I feel like I'm doing terribly while a coach might see something completely different.  In the spirit of trying to focus more on the positive on ice today's blog post is also going to focus on the positive.

This morning we had a brutally long program on ice, I'll spare you the specifics because you don't care about that but we ended up being on the ice for over two hours.  I will admit that I often have a lot of trouble psyching myself up for long programs but today ... I kind of killed it.  I did more laps than I have in a single program in a long time and because I was thinking more "I can do this" instead of "OMG I'm dying so hard I'm not going to make it" I was able to do it and I was in a better mental space and not on the verge of tears for half the practice.  It wasn't any easier than any other long practice but I was just in a better mental state to actually complete it which is somewhere I haven't been probably since before I started having all my issues with being healthy last season.  Basically I'm just feeling pretty good about myself today and wanted to give me a pat on the back.

Being an Athlete is Hard

I've recently started a new part-time job which means that I've been meeting a lot of new people and explaining to new people that I'm a speed skater and basically a full-time athlete.  A lot of people don't really think anything of it, some people think it's really cool and I think that most people don't really understand it.  Most people think that the fact that I speed skate is interesting, that it's unique and then "speed skater" becomes my identifier.  When I was younger I liked being different, I liked that speed skating was so ingrained with who I was and I liked the lifestyle I got to live because of it.  Lately however, I've become a little disillusioned with the whole thing.

These days skating is hard work.  I'm no longer skating just for fun like I did when I was younger I'm training with a purpose, to attain a certain result and a lot of the time it can be a lot of work with no reward.  The only time that people outside of the sport are aware of speed skating is during the Olympics so I often get asked "oh, you speed skate? Does that mean you're you going to the Olympics?" But the thing is only five girls get to go to the Olympics.  That means that there might be twenty other girls who also put in the work, who committed to training for the four years leading up to the Olympics, who put in all the work but ultimately it will be for nothing.

Don't get me wrong I like skating, I know that I can walk away at any time and I knew what I was getting into when I started taking training seriously.  I have good days and bad days; today just happens to be a bad one.  I just find it difficult to balance "real life" (school, work, social) with skating life and I feel stuck, and bored.  Normal people my age have an undergrad degree, they're figuring out what they want to do, they're getting their own apartments and moving out on their own and starting second degrees.  They're going out with friends and making new friends and trying to support themselves and moving around the world, traveling, and making mistakes.  Meanwhile I'll be continuing my third year of my English degree in my fifth year of university, I'll continue to depend on my parents to survive, the only traveling I'll be doing is to Quebec for other skating meets and I won't have time to make new friends because any time that I'm not skating, training or working I'll probably be sleeping.  I feel like everyone else my age is moving on and starting new chapters in their lives and I'm still stuck on the same page.  I'm just stagnant, putting the rest of my life on hold until I'm done skating and then I'll be able to deal with it.

I feel like I'm an athlete half the time and a student then other half.  I get OK grades and OK results but I can't help thinking that if I was just one thing I could be more successful and feel less stagnant.  I don't want to quit skating but if I'm being completely honest I've been doing the same thing day-in and day-out for three years and on my bad days I feel exceptionally bored with my whole life.

Basically my life is super hard and I'm having a bad mental day and I want to do something with my life and everyone should feel sorry for me.

annnnd a little motivation to keep me going because new training block starts tomorrow

Training Camp

The first week of June the Olympic Oval where we train put together an in-town training camp for all the skaters short and long track.  This meant that we got to train with people we don't usually train with and we also got to do a lot of different activities that we don't do in our day to day training aka we got to have some fun!

Day 1's fun activity of the day was training with the U of C Dinos football coaches.  A lot of the exercises did translate because like football speed skating is a very power driven sport and especially in short track there's a lot of sprinting, reacting, and changes is speed.  Unfortunately for my group though there is not a lot of catching in speed skating and every time we missed or dropped the ball we had to do pushups.

Getting instruction from Dinos head coach Blake Nill
DayDream Images

Doing our pushups
DayDream Images

One of the most fun activities was when we did Muay Thai with UFC fighter Nick Ring. We got to kick and hit each other and I now feel completely confident in actually fighting all the people I jokingly ask to fight on a daily basis (just kidding I'm still under 120lbs of skinny white girl).

Classic cheesy fighter stance picture
DayDream Images

Runner up for most fun activity was when the coaches organized a version of The Amazing Race for us.  This might not sound like a training activity but we spent the whole morning sprinting across the University of Calgary campus (and I mean sprinting) and by the time we were done we were probably more tired than we'd been after doing our structured running intervals.  All our sprinting was rewarded because my team ended up being the winners!

The winning team!
instagram

Continuing our fun week of trying new things and working with new coaches we had a session with a National track and field coach where we found out just how uncoordinated and not flexible some of us are.

Working out in the fancy WinSport Under Armour gym
DayDream Images

We then finished off the week with a nice long bike ride.  If you've read this post you might know that I am prone to fun stuff like panic attacks whenever anybody puts me on a bike.  I had a bit of a rocky start because I was having problems with one of my pedals and I talked myself down from one tiny little freak-out mid ride but I managed to ride for over two hours tear free.  It helped that it was a really nice day and also the last training session for the week.

A rare picture of me on a bike
DayDream Images

It was a fun training camp (even though I had to get on a bike) and I had a really great time doing some different styles of training and training with some new people.  Sometimes training can get a little monotonous as we tend to do the same kind of thing every week but this was a great way to change things up and refocus going into the new season.

All pictures are courtesy of the Olympic Oval Calgary facebook page and DayDream Images 

(except for the one from my instagram of course)

New Challenges

In a perfect world I would be able to skate and train full-time and give 100% of my attention to it.  Unfortunately I don't live in that world and I have to plan for my life after skating so during the fall/winter I have to do school part-time even though it might not seem like a priority right now.  I'm very lucky that my parents support me enough that (along with my provincial funding) I don't have to work during the school year but speed skating is a very expensive sport when you factor in the equipment, the oval program fees, and the travel expenses that I am responsible for not to mention regular expenses like food, rent, and school.

My first summer in Calgary I didn't work (in Calgary I worked at home before I moved) because I moved so late in the summer, the second summer I was back and forth between home and Calgary too much to work but once I started to get even more serious about summer training I was spending all but about two weeks in Calgary so this summer I'm balancing full-time training and a part-time job.  I am well aware that this may make me seem spoiled but it is impossible to work without missing any training since training tends to take up the whole day and that stresses me out.  I need the money, I like my job (so far at least it's been a week) but I worry about missing training and ending up behind where I could be and behind my teammates.  I'm realizing more and more lately that skating is not going to be something I'm going to do forever, that I need to think about and prepare for a life after skating one day but I'm not ready to give it up yet and I want to make sure I can quit (some day, not soon) knowing that I've done everything I could have and without any regrets and right now I feel like missing important summer training could end up being a regret.

I'm hoping I can sort everything out so I can do all my training but right now I'm just feeling anxious about the whole thing because I don't want to let my coaches down, I don't want to depend on my parents for everything, I don't want to make my work angry and I don't want to skate badly next season.

National Team Selections

So I've taken some time off, this post wasn't something I was ready to relive right away but I feel better about it now after distancing myself from it a bit and here we are (buckle up this one's a bit of a bumpy ride).

We travelled to Richmond for the National Team Selections early and had three training days on ice before racing started.  The first two practice days went well and all we had to do on the third day was some practice relays.  In the third relay I fell on my own and crashed awkwardly into the boards.  I injured some muscles in my back and was in quite a lot of pain (still am a little bit).  On the first day of racing my back hurt so much that I honestly didn't know if I was going to be able to race but luckily I was able to see a physio and make it through the day.

The second race day I fell again and hit my head hard enough to break my helmet.  I didn't finish that first race and was still getting checked out by the doctor minutes before my final and didn't end up skating that race either.  The rest of the competition kind of went downhill from there with some bad luck and bad races and I ended up finishing about ten spots lower than my original ranking.  I spent more of the competition than usual in tears and it was honestly probably the worst competition I've ever skated.

It was a rough way to end the season and suddenly instead of being happy that the season was over I was wishing I had more time, a chance to try again.  On the plus side this whole experience has allowed me to re-focus and I am now motivated to start summer training and working towards next season.

time to move on and keep looking forward
(Source)

Now that we're officially into the off season I will have time for more posts and less "skates" and more "and stuff" I'm thinking of doing some nutrition and health posts but if you have any other suggestions or interests let me know!

The Last Competition

The last competition of this season starts on Thursday so I don't have a lot to report today.  We travelled last night to Vancouver since the meet is happening at the Richmond Olympic Oval.  We have practice ice and weights sessions between now and the start of racing to get used to the ice and the altitude and the time change and then four days of racing and then it's all over.  This is the last competition of what feels like the longest season ever and I'm so excited to be done but first and foremost I'm excited to race; racing is the fun part of skating and I haven't done it in a while since I was sick during the most recent competition.  Right now I'm just trying to keep positive and motivated so that I can have the best competition possible and know that I have done everything I can to succeed.

(source)

sidenote: obviously I will not be posting anything next weekend as I will be racing

The Final Push

I know I told you that new post day would be Saturday and to be fair I did start writing this post on Saturday.  The original post was going to be about the run up to last trials, the 'final push' as it were, it was an upbeat, light post with little substance.  On Saturday that was honestly how I felt; light and upbeat and even excited about competing again since it has been so long since the first trials before Christmas.  I'm still excited about going to Vancouver because I'll get to see my parents and even a little bit about racing because that is the fun part of skating but I'm also feeling very stressed, worried, and overwhelmed.

If you keep up with this blog you might be aware that I had the flu a few weeks ago and I missed over a week of training and a weekend of racing.  I'm back training full time now but I feel like I'm still recovering and I feel tired most of the time and slow.  Even as I write this I haven't done anything all day (it's our day off) and I still feel like I'm only half awake.  I worry that I might be getting sick again and I'm struggling with doing both school and skating this year so I worry about my marks.  For me at this moment skating takes precedent; I don't want to go into National Team Trials feeling underprepared or feeling like I didn't do everything possible to succeed but I think I would feel a lot better if one thing was going well instead of struggling with both.

I know deep down that this one competition isn't the most important thing in the world and that once skating ends this month I'll probably have time to turn my school marks around but it doesn't mean I don't worry.

I need a job so I can afford a vacation.

(picture found on Pinterest)

Olympics!

The winter Olympics are in full swing which means 1. I am SUPER excited and 2. I will be wearing my Canada toque every day until it's over.

The Olympic Oval (where I train every day) has set up a Sochi lounge so we can watch Olympics while we're at the oval/university and we are currently recording about 15 hours of footage overnight/during the day so we can watch anything that we miss while we're doing other things (like sleeping ... there's an 11 hour time change).  The oval sometimes also puts the Olympics up on the big screen which can be really distracting while we're skating.

Of course I am very excited to watch the speed skating both long and short track and so far we have gotten to watch Sven Kramer race while we ate breakfast before our own races Saturday morning and watch Ivanie Blondin who's from my home club skate today.  Short track starts tomorrow and everyone should watch it! It can be absolutely insane and Canada has a lot of medal contenders but as always anything can happen.

Look at that doesn't that look ridiculous?

I also really enjoy watching the snowboarding events.  I haven't been able to use my snowboard in years because I don't want to get injured during the competitive season so I get to live a little vicariously through the olympic snowboarders (although my skills are nowhere near).  I am also in love with Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir so I am ridiculously excited to see them skate again.

seriously don't even get me started on them

What are you excited for? Who are you rooting for?

Body Composition

Every few months at the training centre we do some body composition tests.  I usually get really curious to see the results but I also dread it a little.  During these tests they take measurements of my legs to calculate my thigh volume as well as skin folds to calculate what percentage of my body is fat.  Every time I have these tests done the results come back and I'm told that my thigh volume is too low and I have struggled in the past with my fat percentage dropping too low.  Bigger leg muscles means faster skating, it's as simple as that, but fat percentage is a little trickier.  If your fat percentage is too high then you're basically just carrying dead weight that can slow you down but if it's too low your body will start breaking down protein (muscles) for energy and can lead to other health issues (especially for women).

I've always been small.  It's just something I've always dealt with, I don't think I hit one hundred pounds until high school.  From about 12 or 13 years old every year I went to the doctor for my checkup she would ask me this series of questions: "Do you eat meat? Do you eat vegetables? Do you snack in between meals?"  She once asked my mom these questions to make sure I was telling the truth and I was also once asked "You're not making yourself throw up or anything are you?"  I understand that the doctor had to ask me these question but it was still uncomfortable and couldn't help wondering if there was something wrong with me.

Growing up in the speed skating world I used to hate that I didn't look like everyone else.  I was basically skin and bone wrapped in spandex.  I didn't like how my legs didn't touch when I walked like all the faster skaters in my club and my mom had to custom make all my skin suits so that they would fit.

Racing at 14 years old 

In high school I actively started to try to gain weight.  I would have a protein shake almost every night before I went to bed and tried to eat in between meals during the day.  When I moved out to Calgary at 19 and had the body composition tests done for the first time I was told that my thigh volume was too low and that my fat percentage was ok but that I shouldn't let it get any higher.  I had been obsessing about my weight for years but had never in a million years thought that my fat percentage would be on the higher end of the spectrum (for speed skaters).  I started to cut out unnecessary things like sweets and unhealthy snacks but I didn't replace them with healthier options.  My fat percentage dropped, my thigh volume dropped, my energy and performance dropped, and I had to have an emergency meeting with my coach.

Right now I am happy with my body appearance-wise but even though I've always been fit it is not how I have always felt.  I think that athletes can tend to have obsessive personalities because we are always trying to seek perfection in order to be the best.  In the sport world I also think that it is much more common for people to comment on a person's size or to talk about weight.  I can now look at my fat percentage number and not let it affect me too much because I know from experience that I can't skate as fast at 12% as I can at what I am now but I've also realized that it would probably be healthier for me not to memorize my thigh volume number and not to compare either of these things with other people.  I now use these tests mostly just to make sure I am still going in the right direction.  Is my thigh volume going up? No? What can I change so that it will? Did my fat percentage drop? Guess I better up the carbs at dinner.

at trials in November (fotosports.ca)

I would also encourage you to read this article about Clara Hughes and Gillian Carleton: 

"Canada’s Olympians not exempt from depression and anxiety even with success"

2014

2013 is finally over.  For me it was a year of great accomplishments but it also had it's hardships and disappointment.

2013 was the year that I got moved up to the top group in the oval program so I now train with girls who are on the national team every day.  While this was very exciting it also took some adjusting I was now at the bottom of the group instead of the top and I had to adjust to different coaches (I love the coaches I have now but everybody's different).  The 2012-2013 season was also the first season that I skated national team trials and the first year I got a national ranking.

Patrice Laponte fotosports.ca

Summer of 2013 I struggled with training and being sick and tired and got in a bit of a mood that was hard to snap out of but did manage turn around eventually.  I got a little discouraged though so that's why I'm making my first new years resolution to give 100% at practice every day.  This wouldn't have been a resolution I would have had to make any other year but this year I'm going to try to stay motivated and give my all at practice even if I don't feel good on the day.

The one other thing I want to do in 2014 is to break out my camera more.  I barely used it last year at all and I really enjoyed using it when we went on the hike on Christmas Eve.

Canadian Open

If you read my last post you will remember that I was in Montreal for National team trials #1 (aka Canadian Open).  I worked very hard to qualify for that competition and was looking forward to carrying that hard work and the success I had at National Qualifier to these races.  I don't want to go into too much detail but I will give you a small recap of what happened.

I had some good races, some ok races, and some awful races.  I was able to pull off longer distances like the 1500m and 1000m but I struggled with the sprint distance.  It was very upsetting, I felt like I was going in slow motion, I was losing, and to top it off that was the day that a lot of my family had travelled down to watch me and my cousin.  I managed to turn it around the next day and skated alright but it still affected my overall ranking and I finished lower down the list than I wanted to.  I guess that just means I'm going to have to work on strength and power in the weight room and technique and starts on ice before the next trials in March, new training block starts today.