It wasn't until the last two days when I started feeling like myself on ice again that I realized I hadn't felt like myself for a long time. I hadn't been pulling off passes for fun in practice, I hadn't been challenging myself, I was just trying to survive and counting down the days until the next rest week. I don't know who that person on ice was but she wasn't the same me from last season and she wasn't someone that I liked very much. I don't think she was someone that my teammates found easy to deal with either and I often felt isolated and lonely at practice.
I don't know if it was being on ice with my old coach that reminded me of my "I can do anything" attitude from last season or coming to the realization that I have to base my successes off my own talents instead of comparing them to others but the past two practices I felt like I woke back up. I skated all my laps and more in the last on-ice program of the week, I can't even remember the last time I did that! My training partner even said she thought to herself "she's back." I was almost giddy on my bike ride home because practice had been hard but it had been fun, something that it hadn't been in a very long time and I was finally able to feel proud of how I had handled a practice again. Fingers crossed I can keep this feeling going as we head towards our first competition of the season next weekend.
|Here have a picture of me and my sister racing last season (I won)|