Thoughts On Loneliness

I've always been comfortable hanging out with myself.  I don't mind spending time alone, in fact, there are some days that I look forward to the nights when all my roommates are out and I get the house to myself.  Something I didn't fully understand until more recently is the very real difference between being alone and being lonely.

I always had a lot of friends growing up.  I made friends easily and I have a bit of a need to be liked so I got along with most people but I also always had a core group of really close friends.  In high school I could probably call any one of my close friends and within ten minutes we'd be at the movies or at one of our houses.  These are people that I felt I could go to with almost anything and they wouldn't judge me although most of the time all I needed was to sit on a couch in a basement and watch movies to make me feel better.  I still feel like I could always go to my high school friends for support but it's different now mostly because we all live in different places and have other responsibilities.

I have friends in Calgary but almost all of them I've made through skating so there are days where after spending all day training with them you don't necessarily want to keep hanging out with them since training for any sport is a very high pressure and emotional environment.  Most of the time I feel fine; I have friends here, I have family but all those people have other friends or boyfriends that they go to with the important things.

I didn't feel like I was justified to feel lonely because I do have friends, my parents are very supportive, and I live with my cousin and my little sister so I literally have built in friends that are there all the time.  What makes it hard for me is that I don't have someone I can go to in person that is there just for me that isn't already involved in almost everything I do, and anyone that I would have gone to in the past I would have to try to reach on the phone or online somehow.  I am very content until I have to start making big life decisions or something happens that I wish I had someone outside of my skating bubble to talk to and I feel silly to reach out and talk about such serious things with people who are so far away when really all I need is to sit on a couch in a basement and watch movies.

2016 Reading Challenge - January

I set myself a challenge to read 30 books in 2016 because while I love books and reading I find that lately with the internet and Netflix I spend less and less time actually sitting down with a book.  The first book I read I actually started in 2015 since I got it for Christmas but I finished it in 2016 so I'm going to count it.  I finished three books in January; I enjoyed all of them (and have written reviews on each of them below) but the book of the month for me was The Illegal by Lawrence Hill.

The Illegal - Lawrence Hill 

The Illegal follows marathon runner Keita Ali from the fictional country of Zantoroland from his childhood to his 20s when he is forced to flee his country to the more affluent (also fictional) Freedon State.  Keita's father is a renowned journalist who discovers something about the Zantoroland and Freedom State governments and is killed for what he knows.  Keita, who has only ever dreamed of being a marathon runner and running in the olympics, is then forced to run for his life.

Through his complex and diverse characters Hill creates a story that is hard to put down and sheds important light on what it means to be "an illegal" and on the refugee crisis in our world today.  Hill's previous novel The Book of Negroes is one of the best books I've ever read; I wouldn't say that his new novel is as good, the ending almost wraps up too neatly, but it's a great story that I really enjoyed reading.

Dark Places - Gillian Flynn

I've only recently gotten into reading more mystery/thriller novels (I only read my first Wallander in December), I first read Gone Girl (by the same author) when I was on vacation last year so I was excited to read Dark Places when I got it as a gift for Christmas.  The novel follows Libby Day who was 7 when her sisters and mother were murdered and at age 7 testified that her brother Ben was the killer.  25 years later Libby has run out of money and is approached by a group of amateur investigators who offer to pay her to approach people from her past and help them investigate the murder of her family.  The novel flashes from the present to what her mother Patty and Ben were doing on the day leading up to the murders.

The clues in this novel unfold at such a rate that I just wanted to keep reading it to find out what happened next.  I think this would be a great book to bring on vacation or read at the beach, it's not too long it's not super complicated but it's still interesting and engaging and I personally enjoyed it more that Gone Girl.  I'm also a big fan of reading the book before the movie because the book is almost always better.

Why Not Me? - Mindy Kaling

I love Mindy Kaling.  The Mindy Project is one of my favourite shows, I quote Kelly Kapoor from The Office on a daily basis; I don't care if it's not appropriate if you ask me if I have any questions I will say "I have a lot of questions. Number one, how dare you?" every. single. time.  It's possible that my adoration for Mindy Kaling biases my review of her book just a little bit but I found Why Not Me? to be fascinating and funny.  I found her section on work from writing on The Office to getting her own TV show very interesting and it was very inspiring to see just how much work she puts in and how much of a labour of love The Mindy Project is.  

I think my favourite part of the book was the one titled "All The Opinions You Will Ever Need."  This sections covers being an unlikely leading lady, her Harvard Law speech, what she worries about at 4am, and then the final essay "Why Not Me?"   "4am Worries" makes me feel better about my anxieties knowing that even fabulous, brilliant writer Mindy Kaling panics about silly things at night and I think a lot of young women would find her final essay where she offers advice about confidence helpful.  Basically if you love Mindy Kaling you will love this, or if you're a young woman eager to read about a successful, hard working, woman you will find this incredibly inspiring.

September Favourites 2015

I thought that summer flew by but it seems like autumn is going even faster, it's already October and I feel like any second now it will be winter and snowing.  I love September because the leaves start changing, the weather gets a little cooler (but not so cool that you need to break out the parkas), and most exciting it's my birthday month!  Here are some of the things I've been absolutely loving this month: 

Fuji Green Tea Body Lotion from the Body Shop: This lotion is lighter than the body butters from the Body Shop and soaks in more quickly and this smells INCREDIBLE.  I haven't gone back to TBS since I picked this up but I'm seriously tempted to by more from this range and I really hope it isn't limited time because this might be my new favourite scent.

Nutriganics Drops of Youth from The Body Shop: I also picked this up the last time I was at The Body Shop and I've been using it as a serum day and night under my moisturizer.  I was skeptical of it at first but I this has been the product that has made the most difference to my skin.  I've been having some pretty bad skin problems and this has calmed it and made my face appear smoother and has helped a lot with my breakouts.

Vitamin e oil: The acne I was getting was leaving some pretty bad scarring in it's wake so I started using pure vitamin e oil all over my face as a night cream and it has worked wonders in healing my face.  I've almost used up the whole bottle and even though it is very thick and (obviously) oil-y it hasn't caused me to break out at all; it's a big help especially as we move into the colder, dryer months and my skin gets more dehydrated.

Maybelline Fit Me Matte and Poreless Foundation: This foundation just ticks all the boxes for me; it's medium coverage without looking cakey, it blends really well and lasts through a work shift without melting off and it's the perfect colour for me right now so I've basically just been reaching for it every time I wear makeup.

Stila Eyes are the Window palette in Soul: I treated myself to this after I got a bigger than usual paycheck this month and although I don't know a lot about eyeshadows etc. I really like all the colours in this palette, it's easy for me to apply and blend, and I've been using it almost every day that I work (because I don't wear makeup during the week if I'm only training).  It's just really pretty OK?

Garnier Fructis Damage Eraser Heal & Seal Treatment: I'm going to preface this by saying that I have very dry hair especially on the ends so if you have oily hair this might not work for you.  This is a hair treatment that you put on in the shower after your condition for one minute and it's supposed to seal in your condition and repair damage.  For me this is one of the only products that actually makes my hair feel super soft these days and makes it look way healthier.

The X-Files: I started watching the X-Files on Netflix a while ago but now that it's getting darker and more autumnal outside I've been watching it so much more.  There's just something about watching a slightly creepy, dramatic show on a cool dark night that I find super cozy.  Any night that my roommates aren't home I light one of my fall candles and curl up on the couch to watch Mulder and Scully.